Even More Changes

As the new year approaches, I have made some very drastic changes in my life, yet again.  I have left the man that I called Master and that held me up as my life fell apart because of my husband leaving.  As the new year approaches, I am officially starting over.  I have no home because my husband decided not to pay the mortgage.  My dogs that I love more than anything in the world are in temporary care of some very good friends of the community.  

There has, however, been so much good come out of all this, I just had to come on here and brag a little.  First, I found my true self.  Doing that has left me a little confused off and on, though.  I have found out that I am not a slave anything, not even a submissive or a switch.  I am a dominant that for the right person and having the right state of mind, I bottom for a scene.  

Second, thanks to finding myself, I have found someone that I have fallen madly in love with.  This is the kind of love that proves that I've never been in love before now.  He is my slave, he serves me no matter what I need or want.  At the same time, he has made me a much better person on the inside.  I cuddle now (never did that before), I have to have him in my bed holding me or I don't sleep.  I never even did that with my husband!  This man, this slave, is the Gods gift to me, and I thank them every day for him contacting me to catch up when he did.

Don't get me wrong, I've had some down falls since this as well.  I have lost two people (a submissive and a slave), both of whom I did love, just not the same way.  I have had to morn those relationships while still being extremely excited that my relationship with slave is growing each and every day.  I have a female submissive who is also a little, a pup, and a kitty all rolled up in one.  Like the others, I love her, just differently.  Because I left the man I called Master, I am currently staying at my ex-submissive's apartment until I can get enough money to get my own place again.  

I have one new clips store on clips4sale, with two more coming out either by the end of this year or the first of next.  I also partnered up with a store on there to trade some clips off and on with her.  Oh, and there is a new fetish site coming out, that I am very proud to be a part of starting on the ground floor.
 
I've had huge ups and downs in the past few months.  But, every morning I wake up knowing it's going to be a great day.  I know this, because I am loved by not only my friends, my slave, and my little, but also by you, my many fans.  I know everything is going to be ok as long as I push forward.  I know this in my heart, in my mind, and in my soul, so watch out 2013, because this is going to be the year of Jackie Daniels aka The House of Daniels.
 

Today is the day

Well, it's finally here, the day that I thought I wanted, my divorce is final.  I thought that's what I wanted to happen, after all he did cheat on me.  Now that it's here, though, I am having a lot of mixed emotions.  I feel like I failed in some way.  I feel like maybe I'm completely and totally unable to be loved or to love for that matter.  I feel like just locking myself up in my room, curling up in a ball, and crying none stop. 

I'm not sad that it's over or that he's gone (because let's face it, he was a piece of shit), it's the man that I married that I am missing.  He changed so much over the 8 years we were married, he actually became someone I didn't know.  I am now officially part of his ex-wife club (yes there is actually one), the ones that he thought he could break into little pieces and make want him forever!  The other two do want him back.  Me, on the other hand, I can't even stand to say his name because I hate him that bad! 

At the same time, I had to of loved him at one point because I did marry him.  When we met it was love at first sight, actually.  He was charming, funny, smart, good looking........everything a girl wants in a man.  When he left, though, he didn't shave, showered once a week if I was lucky, drank a case of beer a night, and was abusive in every way possible.  He lashed out at me anytime something went wrong in his life (even his new thing pissing him off). 

We were very normal, and hid our problems so well that I was shocked when he started his affair.  Everyone that we knew was amazed that we were having problems.  He, of course, blames me for his online affair, because of finding my kinky side.  I blame him because he just wasn't attractive to me any more.  I'm sorry, but who would want to have a sexual relationship with someone that NEVER showered!  In all reality, though, I truly think it was both of us.  After all, if someone found their partner attractive, they would shower and look nice.  Even after I showered every day, I would put on night clothes because I didn't want to have sex with him.

Now that today is here, I am feeling rejected, hurt, and alone.  I know I have my Master that would be more than willing to comfort me (if I would let him).  I know I have all of my friends in the community that would give me the much needed shoulder to cry on or a pat on the back for comfort.  The problem is, I can't allow anyone to see my human side.  I'm so afraid that they will think I was weak (not the brave strong person they always see), that I can't allow anyone to see my real side.  As I sit here writing this, Master is less than 2 feet away from me, feeling everything I am feeling, and neither one of us is talking about what is going on.  He always gives me my space to figure out my emotions on my own--like he knows I need.  He would never assume I needed him to hold me, force me to be in his arms, because he knows that would break me way beyond repair.  My friends on the other hand, would force me.  That's why I am sitting here writing this instead of being with them!

I know deep down in my heart this is a very good thing.  Now I don't need to talk to him or ever see him again.  At the same time, I still morn the man that I loved all those years ago, the man I pledged my life and eternity to.  Today, I wonder if it was just me that can't be loved, or if maybe just maybe it is he who can not love no matter who he is with.  Today, I shall sit here and wonder what went wrong with us and our happy life we thought we were going to have together.  Today, unlike any other day, I shall sit and cry, allowing all to see my true raw emotions.  Tomorrow, however, is different because tomorrow starts my new life!

Deepest Darkest Fantasy

She’s been waiting for this moment for what seems like a lifetime now!  Every since the day she became slave; she has had a reoccurring dream about this moment almost every night.  She thought it would never happen.  She so wanted to be his and to please him with everything she had.  She knew she should have told him, should have begged him, but she couldn’t run the risk of him saying no.  Now, finally, that day had arrived, and even without her telling him this is what she truly wanted.

He walked into her room, without saying a word grabbed her by her long hair that was pulled back into a ponytail, and dragged her out of her room.  He continued to drag her throughout the entire house with her on her hands and knees the whole way until they finally reached his bedroom.  Still without a single word spoken, he dragged her to the end of his bed, where there was a chain and a collar now attached to the footboard.  She thought to herself that it wasn’t there earlier, but maybe she just didn’t see it since after all, she wasn’t allowed in there.  He threw her against the footboard of that bed, and attached her with a heavy metal collar to the chain that was also very heavy.  When he clasped that collar and chain on her, she could do nothing but cry.  It wasn’t tears of sadness like he might have thought and feared, but she was overcome with joy and happiness.  As she cried, he just looked at her and left the room.  It wasn’t to be mean, hurtful, or cruel but because he knew she needed a few moments to compose herself.  Unlike most slaves, she had a problem showing her emotions to anyone, but especially to him.

After what seemed like hours but was actually more like minutes, he returned to her.  He knelt down in front of her, looked her in the eyes and asked if she knew why she was there.  She hoped, but didn’t and couldn’t say what was in her heart, so she just shook her head.  He then smiled at her with that loving smile he gives to tell her that he loves her, and told her she was there because it was time for her to take her true place.  She started crying all over again, so completely overwhelmed with love and admiration of this wonderful man.  She was so overwhelmed that she smiled through those tears and he knew right away that it was truly time for her as well.

“You will only be on this chain at night when I go to bed,” her Master told her.  He continued by saying, “this chain reaches to the bathroom and my bed.  You will sleep on the floor where this carpet is.  You will have a blanket and pillows, but no bed for you.  In the morning, you will awaken when my alarm clock sounds, what for me to get up, and I will take the chain off so you can do your chores and work.”  She looked at him with wonder, as he said, “you will only ever touch my bed when instructed by me to do so.  I will do anything I want in this bed, with you on the floor without you ever making a sound.  Can you handle this?”  All she could do is nod her head, still speechless.  He then walked back out.  So overcome with emotion—as he knew she would be—she fell asleep on that hardwood floor covered with a throw rug.

Several hours later, he returned to find her still asleep.  He kicked her gently on her breast just like she likes it, and woke her up.  As soon as she stretched she said, “Yes, Master, what can I get you?” He again grabbed her by her long blonde hair and dragged her still chained to his mattress.  He took his sword from his side, took it out of the sheath, and which her breathing very heavily ran it down her neck very gently.  He leaned down, very close to her ear, so close that she could smell his manly odor that always drove her crazy.  He whispered so quietly that she had to strain to hear him, “don’t move.”  He then took that sword and swiftly cut her dress off of her, taking in every inch of her body.

As her teeth started to chatter, he picked her up with one arm and turned her over, her dress falling to the floor.  He knew what she was expecting, but wasn’t going to give that to her.  Today, it is all about claiming her as his property!  He grabbed her left wrist first, and then stretching her out as far as he could, reached for another chain and bound her with it.  She shivered in excitement—she loves the feel of chain on her body, as he well knows.  He then did the same thing to her right wrist.  He then slowly so she could feel his hot breath on her, lend down to her neck and bite down hard until she shook with desire.  While she lays there shivering and her teeth chattering, he slowly ran his big strong callused hands down each of her legs to bind her ankles.  She shirked in anticipation, hoping so much that he was finally going to play her!  Knowing this, however, he turned and left the room, leaving her to wonder and to smell his scent on his sheets.

She had hoped he was going to play her, but since he left the room, she didn’t know what he was going to do next.  She knew he thought she couldn’t handle being at the receiving end of his devices, but she would give anything and everything to be!  She’s tried everything she could think of to get him to do this to her, except for beg of course.  Every piece of her being belonged to this man, the man she bowed to, and the man she loved, but she could never beg him to touch her!  She knew the moment she did that, he would hold her deepest desires against her.

For what seemed like an eternity, she laid on his bed completely helpless not knowing what else he had in store for her.  Finally, light from the other room came pouring in as he swung the door open to his bedroom.  She lay there motionless, thoughts racing through her head as to what was going on now.  Just then, she heard the sound of a knife blade opening up.  He grabbed her by the hair, lifted her head back ever so slightly, and ran it across her neck from the throat all the way back to where her ponytail was.  When he got to the back of her neck, he then slowly sensually started running that razor sharp blade down her spine and back up.  Then he ran it to each of her shoulder blades and down to her ass, zigzagging all the way down.  When he got to her ass, he paused only for a moment, to bite her on each cheek before continuing down her ass cheeks and to each leg all the way down to her toes. She didn’t squirm, hell she didn’t even move until he was done.  She just let out a little light sign of pure pleasure.

Next, he pulled out the candles for a little wax play.  He knew she’s never had it done to her, but because of her love for extreme pain, he decided to use real candles instead of the stuff he usually uses.   As soon as she heard the lighter, she got a little restless because she loves all kinds of different fire play.  She had no clue though that it was for a candle, until the first drop of hot wax hit her right in the middle of her spine.  She squirmed with delight and let out a moan of pleasure.  That was the first sound from her that was heard that night.  He covered her back and ass with wax, dripping one drop at a time and allowing her to feel every spot it hit before he did the next drop.  Once that was done, he took his sword and slowly, carefully removed each dried drop one at a time with it. 

He knows she doesn’t like to cuddle or any of that other stuff, so he left the room for a few minutes while she composed herself a little.  Not only that, he wasn’t done with her by a long shot!  When he came back to the door (even before opening it) he could hear her teeth just chattering away.  He slowly opened the door as not to startle her, walked up behind her, picked her up with his strong muscular arm and turned her over.  She didn’t even mind that the chain was cutting into her a little bit.  He took off his shirt, lifted her head, and tying it around her eyes, made a blindfold out of it.  He then gently laid her head back onto his bed. 

He took his knife that he placed on the bedside table still opened, and gently ran it over her breast.  She squealed with excitement and pleasure.   He took that knife, and with more pleasure, laid it against her neck and just held it there.  She took a very deep breath, and forgot to let it out.  He had to tell her to breathe!  He ran that knife down every inch of her body, paying very close attention to her nipples and cunt with it.  He then took the candle and covered both breast and down with wax, then again took the dry wax off of her with the sword.

He knew by now she was so far into subspace she was ready for him to truly play her.  He first took his little black wire flogger that he made, and hit her breasts with it.  Light at first, then harder and harder until she almost had an orgasm.  To make sure she was truly enjoying it, he grabbed hold of her right nipple with his vice grip fingers and squeezed.  Before she could do anything at all, while he had a hold of her nipple, he flogged her breast again.  She tried to muffle her orgasm but with her arms being bound and no ball gag or anything else to help, she screamed in utter pleasure.  He then did the same thing to the left breast until she screamed in pleasure again.

He picked her up quickly enough that she couldn’t process what was going on, and flipped her back onto her stomach.  He picked up some of her floggers that she had from doing her scenes with her bottoms, and one by one hit her with them until he found out she just couldn’t react to those today.  He picked up his favorite one from his own collection, the red and black barbed-wire flogger.  He’s used it on her a few times before just to get her use to it, but never anything like this.  He, sensually at first, swiped her with it across her back a few times.  He leaned close to her, and whispered, “every time I hit you from now on you will orgasm for me.”   The first couple of times, as he expected, she didn’t comprehend what he said, so he said it again.  The next hit, not even half of what he could give her, she reared up and had an orgasm.  The one after that, the orgasm was even fiercer.  He didn’t stop to allow her to process any of the blows, so the orgasms went on and on, each time more fierce than the last.  That went on for what seemed like forever.  He then, suddenly, turned and walked out of the room again.

When he finally came back, he brought some more of her toys out just to see what would happen if her own stuff was used on her.  He started paddling her, and with each and every blow, she would orgasm.  After using several different paddles on her for almost a half an hour, he figured she couldn’t possible handle more.  He started to undo the chains that bound her to his bed, and she whispered, “Master, please don’t stop!”

He looked at her with pride in his eyes, which is something he would have never allowed her to see!  He knew what she meant by her statement, and was more than willing to give it to her the way he knew she has wanted him to for months now.  He grabbed her hair lifting her to her knees still fully chained to the bed.  He guided her head to his throbbing cock, and with a swift hard movement, placed it into her mouth.  With her hair in his hand, he guided his cock in and out of her mouth for several minutes, with her moaning in complete and total desire the entire time. 

Knowing how much she has wanted him to take her completely and totally, but her refusing to beg him for it until tonight, he gave it to her.  As soon as he took his cock out of her mouth, she started begging for it back.  Instead, he moved her slightly, still with her hair, and forcefully took her completely.  He pounded her like she’s never felt before.  As soon as his cock touched her, she has one of the most intense orgasms she’s ever had before.  With every single thrust it was deeper, harder, and faster.  The faster and harder he went, the more he pulled her long ponytail hair.  The more he pulled the more she came.  This went on for well over an hour, until finally he screamed for her to squirt, which she quickly did.  While she was doing that, he was having his orgasm too. 

When he was all done, he unchained her wrists and ankles and removed the blindfold, and told her back on the floor.  Without a single word, she did as she was ordered to do, with a huge smile on her face.  This was truly what she’s been dreaming about since the moment she met him and so much more.  It was such an orgasmic experience that she was in subspace for over two weeks afterwards!  Every night, still several months after the fact, when she is chained to his foot board for the night, she remembers the night she was placed there the very first time.

 

©Jackie Daniels 2012

It Never Ends

I have been gone for a while now, I know, but things just kept spiraling out of control and I had to just sit back and wait for the ride to stop.  You see, my husband of 8 years decided to cheat on me right after I started this blog.  Not only did he cheat, but he did it with some one so clearly dog-like that it almost broke me completely.  She weighs about 100 lbs more than me, is 10 years older than me, and looks a lot like Bill Parcels (famous football coach if you don't know who he is) in drag!  To make a long sad story short, after several months of his on-line/on the phone emotional affair, I had enough and kicked his ass out!

The only thing that kept me from going insane, is this guy that I met the same night my husband's affair went physical.  This guy who is also in the "alternative lifestyle" has been more to me than I ever thought possible.  The night we met, somehow someway he started breaking down my walls.  By the time we were close, I was his slave.  I know, Jackie Daniels, Pro-Domme and a sadist, is now slave!  I'm not only slave to him, but you have got to hear the rest of it.  First, he is 10 years younger than me and drop dead gorgeous (of which he knows it too).  Almost every single one of my friends has wanted him at one point or another.  He's played a few, slept with one that I know of, the whole bit.  At first I was pissed at what he was doing.  After all, even though it was my idea to be in a poly relationship, I told him to stay away from my friends.  I finally figured out why he wouldn't do it though.  First of all, it was because I told him not to do something and a slave doesn't ever do that.  Secondly, that was the one way to break me emotionally. 

You see, I refused to allow him into my emotions.  He tried several times, including telling me I have no emotions at all.  Nothing worked, until he slept with this girl.  It wasn't the girls fault, either, because when he did it, I was sitting in the living room, so she just assumed that I knew what was going on.  I'll admit it, I knew because she went out to her car in the middle of a play session.  To me, that meant she went to get a condom, and I was right.  She told me all about it the next day.  It took me about a week afterwards to tell him that he finally broke me that way like he was trying to for 8 months.

I am now living with Master and have been for a little over a month now.  Not because I want to and not because he wanted me to, but because the cheating ex that only ever had to pay one bill, didn't........the mortgage.  So, I've lost the house, the dungeon that took me forever to design and have done, the massage business, everything.  I am slowly trying to get it all back, though.  I found a new business partner that I am leasing a massage room from.  She's building me a dungeon once I prove to her how much money fetish can make.  I can film out of there, but only certain things because I have to think of everyone else that is there.

I also have another business coming up that is going to teach different fetishes to people that have always been interested in it.  Rather they are everyday people looking to spice up their sex life, or newbies into the "alternate lifestyle," we're going to have everything and the best of the best in the field they are going to be teaching will be the instructors.  It's going to be great!  Like an online school for kinky people!

Toplessmachanic.com is going to have to be put off for a while, though.  I just don't have the space to be able to do that until I get me another house.  That's ok, though, I still own the site, and it will come true very soon.  Just a little set back.

I've been writing again, too.  I'm writing a bio on myself to show all my fans exactly what made Jackie Daniels to begin with.  It's sort of a tell all.  I also have short stories that I've been writing.  Those I will be posting here.  Make out of them whatever you will.  Most of them are from dreams I've been having.  I'm thinking they have something to do with the series of books I have been ordered to read.  The series is Gorean.  That, by the way, is what my Master is.

This is all for now.  I promise I won't wait a year to post again!